Vrooman for senate

Since our political leaders often tell us how important innovation is, I decided to innovate Canadian democracy by creating my own election campaign for the unelected Canadian Senate. With the help of my campaign manager, Kid in the Hall Mark McKinney, I ran against three sitting senators and won! Unfortunately, the government refused to recognize my win. Still pretty bitter about this.

 


My Opponents

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Colin Kenney

Colin has loudly and publicly defended the Senate, writing “In 2010 the Senate cost every Canadian $3.14 – one boutique cup of coffee.” It certainly lends some important perspective. For the mere price of a cup of coffee, you can feed a Senator for a year.

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Linda Frum

Through pure gumption and hard work, Linda became the daughter of a famous journalist and an influential businessman. She’s due to retire from the Senate in 2038. That job security allows her to focus on non-partisan public service, like chairing a fundraising dinner in honour of former Prime Minister Stephen Harper (who later appointed her to the Senate). The dinner raised $5.7 million for the Stephen J. Harper Hula Valley Bird Sanctuary Visitor and Education Centre (S.J.H.H.V.B.S.V.A.E.C.) in Israel. Stephen Jonasbrothers Harper cares about birds.

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Don Meredith

Don is a loser. That’s not meant to insult him, it’s merely a dispassionate statement of fact. In 2008 he ran in a federal by-election and lost very, very badly. Nonetheless, Stephen Harper appointed him to the Senate. If that sounds like the definition of unearned privilege, just remember: once Don turns 75 he’ll have to face the demeaning hell of unemployment all on his own, with nothing but a giant pension standing between him and financial ruin. Don earned a Masters degree from California State Christian University as well as an honorary doctorate from the Canadian Christian Clinical Counsellors’ Association. Neither of those places happen to be actual schools, but that doesn’t stop him from signing his press releases as “The Honourable Dr. Don Meredith.” After all, he didn’t go to a non-school for no years just to be called “Mr.”


Endorsements

I got an enthusiastic endorsement from the Kids in The Hall, who definitely know how to pronounce my name.

Along with endorsements from my many, many, celebrity friends.

 At my recent visit to my friend Justin's mansion we talked about Canadian arts grants, Senate reform, and girls. Thanks for letting me borrow your swim trunks Justin!

At my recent visit to my friend Justin's mansion we talked about Canadian arts grants, Senate reform, and girls. Thanks for letting me borrow your swim trunks Justin!

 My very good friend, Canadian icon Julia Roberts, is passionate about Senate reform. Honestly, don't get her started on it she's kind of crazy! (but lovely)

My very good friend, Canadian icon Julia Roberts, is passionate about Senate reform. Honestly, don't get her started on it she's kind of crazy! (but lovely)

 Would you believe that I met Canadian icon Jackie Chan in a bar fight? Here were are years later, the best of friends.

Would you believe that I met Canadian icon Jackie Chan in a bar fight? Here were are years later, the best of friends.

 Getting serious with Canadian icon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Getting serious with Canadian icon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

 Kidding! Dwayne and I can't keep a straight face for long!

Kidding! Dwayne and I can't keep a straight face for long!

 Canadian icon Beyonce loves to dance, especially with me! Here I am showing her my patented move: The Butt Strut.

Canadian icon Beyonce loves to dance, especially with me! Here I am showing her my patented move: The Butt Strut.

 Hey! We're being friends here! Canadian icon Dustin Hoffman takes Senate reform as seriously as he takes acting, and fully supports my innovative efforts.

Hey! We're being friends here! Canadian icon Dustin Hoffman takes Senate reform as seriously as he takes acting, and fully supports my innovative efforts.

 This is me and my former friend, former Canadian icon Lance Armstrong. I let him know that transparency and accountability are more than just buzzwords, they're principles that honourable people live by. Then I told him to go straight to hell.

This is me and my former friend, former Canadian icon Lance Armstrong. I let him know that transparency and accountability are more than just buzzwords, they're principles that honourable people live by. Then I told him to go straight to hell.

 Canadian icon and total sweetheart Sir Hannibal Lector.

Canadian icon and total sweetheart Sir Hannibal Lector.

 A hero to many, but a close personal friend to me, Canadian icon Jackie Robinson is someone I can always count on to be there for me. To be right there, in exactly that place.

A hero to many, but a close personal friend to me, Canadian icon Jackie Robinson is someone I can always count on to be there for me. To be right there, in exactly that place.

 Canadian icon George Burns may be 119 years young, but his zingers haven't dulled one bit! And yes, that IS Canadian icon Charlie Chaplin behind us!

Canadian icon George Burns may be 119 years young, but his zingers haven't dulled one bit! And yes, that IS Canadian icon Charlie Chaplin behind us!

 Canadian icon Captain America takes some time in between battles to pose for a picture with a big fan (and a bigger friend).

Canadian icon Captain America takes some time in between battles to pose for a picture with a big fan (and a bigger friend).

 He was skeptical at first, but I eventually won Canadian icon James Dean over with my 3-point plan for Senate transparency.

He was skeptical at first, but I eventually won Canadian icon James Dean over with my 3-point plan for Senate transparency.

 Me and my pal, Canadian icon Snoop Dogg, hangin' on the west side (of the Greater Toronto Area [Halton]) discussing "Senate refizzle."

Me and my pal, Canadian icon Snoop Dogg, hangin' on the west side (of the Greater Toronto Area [Halton]) discussing "Senate refizzle."

A few testimonials featured on vroomanforsenate.com

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Ultimately I won the election with 96% of the vote. Unfortunately...

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Parliament Hill security refused to allow me to access my rightful place, so I remain a senator-elect in absentia. Total bullshit.